“Who are you without the attention of a man?”

A couple weeks ago I received this comment from a reader:

KeithIdolatry asks:

I’m curious and have a couple of questions. They’re of a private nature but nowhere near as private as most of the content of your blog. How is your relationship with your father? Was there ever one? Who are you without the attention of a man? What is the longest amount of time you’ve spent without having sexual contact with a man? How long were you dating Stavros and why are you so broken up by not seeing him any more? Were you even dating him or just seeing him and sleeping together? It seemed as if being a mistress was a step you were unwilling to take in prior posts. Now it is. What’s changed?

I welcome and really do enjoy answering questions from readers. The only thing that’s important to me is to keep my anonymity and that’s mostly just for the protection of the guys I write about. By choosing to date or sleep with me they didn’t sign up for their lives to be on display.

I wanted to reply back in a blog post because Keith asked questions that made me think. Some of the things he asks about are things I never really looked at, others were things I struggle with on a consistent basis.

• How is your relationship with your father? Was there ever one? My parents divorced when I was a teenager, but my father has always been a fixture in my life. He didn’t live in my household after my parents divorce but he was always there and we had a good relationship. In fact I’m closer to my father than I am to my mother. I lived with my mom and my grandparents. My grandparents just celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary this month and are more in love than ever. I was blessed to be able to witness firsthand a loving, stable marriage between two people who loved, respected, and really enjoyed each other. I guess what I’m saying is my lifestyle choices are not a result of lacking strong male figures in my life. I was fortunate to have really great men in my life. I still do.

• Who are you without the attention of a man? I’m the same person I am with the attention of a man. I am a graduate student. I own a small business and have a great career doing something I love. I’m very happy with my life and the way its turned out. It’s never been about getting male attention.  I simply enjoy good sex. I never purposely seek the attention of a man. I don’t cruise for men. I never ask men out. I’ve been single by choice more often than I’ve been in relationships. I never approach men. I don’t dress provocatively. I do enjoy good male company and I do enjoy variety.  I’ll admit that I have some commitment issues, but I think they stem from a need to never feel restrained in my life. I need freedom to do what I want to do with whomever.

• What is the longest amount of time you’ve spent without having sexual contact with a man? Good question, the longest was nine months. And even now I go stints of a month or month and a half without sex. I don’t write about those periods much, because this is not a blog about celibacy. Basically, I enjoy sex and I don’t feel the need to deprive myself of something I enjoy. There are so many other ways I restrict myself in my life. I don’t drink or do drugs. I don’t eat meat. I don’t smoke. I don’t really have any vices. This is an outlet for me and as long as me and my partner are both consenting adults I don’t see anything wrong with that.

• How long were you dating Stavros and why are you so broken up by not seeing him any more? Were you even dating him or just seeing him and sleeping together? Me and Stavros dated from September to January, like 3 or 4 months. I hardly ever fall for a guy. The guys that make this blog are just a few of the guys I date or hang out with. Stavros was the rare guy that I just fell head over heels for. I can’t really explain it other than, some people just do it for you in a way that others don’t. It wasn’t just a sexual thing with him. We had good conversation and we laughed and listened to each other’s problems. We celebrated special occasions in our lives. I just really got attached to him. I think it hurt me because I thought our relationship was more serious than he thought it was. I thought we were dating and I guess he just thought we were sleeping together. I rarely give my all to a guy and then when I did, he just dumps me and walks away. It was, and still is, pretty tough. I’m finally moving on though and sadly Roberto helped me do that.

• It seemed as if being a mistress was a step you were unwilling to take in prior posts. Now it is. What’s changed? Hmm, I guess the only thing that changed was that I met someone during a vulnerable time in my life that appealed to me and I let it cloud my judgment. I’m not proud of what I’ve done and I’m doing my best to fix this really ugly situation.

I hope this sheds some light and answers some questions for you Keith (or any other reader). If not, please feel free to contact me and we can discuss things further.

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